Emotional freedom or emotional intelligence is something that is now starting to pick up more. People are looking to stay happy during more time and to not be consumed by sadness, fear and anger. Over time, I have been practicing how to not let external things control how I feel, even if it makes sense, if it’s unfair or if it could have happened differently.
It is definitely something you need to practice as it can be hard to change your own mind in the hot moment. So today I am sharing with you how I do it.
- It is more important be/feel well and under control than to feel taken over. It is harder to make decisions when we let the situation consume us.
- Remember we are all animals at some point and the natural behaviour is to react, the intelligent behaviour is to choose how to proceed. It can be a good trigger to behave right and to not be impulsive as no one wants to be the animal in the argument/conflict. A good thing to remember is that getting physical to make things right should only be used for self-defence and conciliation/truce.
- Controlling your emotions can save your life, if you don’t value this more than being right, fair or even making a point. You will not win this game.
- Negative feelings are poison, if saying something to you gets you angry or hurt, it means that anyone can just come and upset you. You have no control. (you see why it is so important?)
- In any argument, it is important to see that no one is right because 'right or wrong' is relative, all we have is a point of view. As much as yours makes more sense to you there’s still a 50% chance you’re wrong, so there’s really no point in insisting. You’re not winning anything but the argument itself and the relationship with the other person can end up in flames. So it is better to leave it in your head and use it for your everyday decisions instead of trying to convince someone to think just like you. If you really want to keep the conversation interesting, it is better to try to understand the other person’s point of view by making questions. It’s ok to not agree, but don’t make to much effort on showing someone else that he/she is wrong and you are right. If you tried once and did’t work, then leave it.
- The less negative you can be during long periods of time, the less you will find yourself in the wobble of negativism. (so it is harder to get out than to stay out of it)
Hot Moment Thoughts
- Realise it is not that bad. When you say this to yourself, a million worse things come up to your mind to be compared with your situation, let them come. Think of yourself as the girl with a broken nail complaining. You are ridiculous. (this will keep you quiet in order to not involve other people into your problem)
- Forgive yourself/the other person, and instantly assume this is the standard (lower than we expected) - don’t worry so much with this opinion in the hot moment you don’t need to justify what you don’t understand so it is ok to think your girlfriend is plain stupid (as long as you don’t tell her that, or anyone else really)
- Back to realise it is not that bad. There’s sunshine and bedtime after that.
- If it is an hour long or challenge-facing situation it is important to assume that nothing happens to you that you can’t take. If you got yourself there you can probably get yourself out. It just requires clear thinking. The moment you realise this your mind shifts from panic to plan-making. By the time you come up with a plan, excitement blends with the negative feelings which makes things a lot easier, by half of the plan to overcome the challenge you are so focused on the plan, the excitement is full on and the negativity is no longer present.
- If it is an argument, realise it has nothing to do with you and the other person, and it is more you and yourself. The subject is upsetting you somehow, not the person, otherwise you would nudge and not even continue the conversation. It would not matter to you that much.
- In an argument with someone you care about, after you are ok it is important to take the other person to the same place, by listening and making it more about her now than you. This can be more complex so if you can’t do it you can simply leave it. In an extreme case you can always say sorry even if it is not your fault (remember 1. of Pre/Post Thoughts)
- If this was something that moved you and it is still quite present in your mind (something that changed the way you look at yourself, changed your life for good or choked you) the best way is to use the number one technique (also the hardest one to do) and most efficient to shift from 100% to 0%. From full mind and emotion to emptiness. Going into the numb mode, where the silence is. If you do it for one second you might stay for longer if you permit your mind to. This is only possible if you have a great deal of discipline over yourself upon some practice. I can now do this one on an early stage of something that is bothering me (if I remember) however I usually only remember to do it when things escalate to higher dimensions.
Hope these have helped you to lead your mind to a better place. Staying aware of your thoughts can surely be something to be practiced constantly, as any little trigger to negative emotion can be easily overcome and remain meaningless to you. Since at the end of the day there are better things to think about.
Have a great week!
'I learned that right and wrong are perspectives and emotions are like the weather, they come and go.'
'If I offered you a pizza, assuming you are not homeless, how likely would you be ok with sharing?'
"Being vulnerable can be scary, but I know that if I don’t push myself out of the shelf I will be just another girl."
Progress, enjoyment and sleep are just a few that will keep you on a good track.
Isn’t it just amazing to be able to not get it right and continue regardless? Even final exams are not final, there’s life after that.
'negative emotion can be easily overcome and remain meaningless to you.'
'Luck increases with preparation, but it also increases with enthusiasm and believing.'
Because no one knows what they are doing.
'Let them say “I told you so” because sometimes they will also hear “you were wrong!”'
'What makes you think you’re just another one, that the responsibility over the world has nothing to do with you?'